Written by: Angela Derrick, Ph.D. & Susan McClanahan, Ph.D.
Date Posted: September 5, 2025 8:02 am
Have you ever reacted to someone in your life with much more intensity than the situation really called for, like snapping at your partner for feeling that they were scolding you like a parent, or being instantly drawn to someone who reminds you of a much-loved family member? Maybe in therapy, you suddenly feel overly criticized, even if your therapist hasn’t done or said anything to justify these reactions. That experience has a name: transference.
And it’s not just one-sided. Therapists, being human too, sometimes feel their own strong emotions in response to clients. That’s called countertransference.
These concepts might sound technical, but they’re actually about something we all share: the way our past experiences echo in the present. Understanding this dynamic can help you feel less confused during therapy and more empowered in your relationships outside of it.
When an individual unconsciously projects feelings and expectations from past relationships onto someone in their present, often a therapist, it is known as transference. Our minds recycle old emotional patterns, and we can end up treating a therapist (or anyone else in our lives) as if they were a parent or partner, without realizing it.
Let’s start by addressing a few typical questions about transference as it might show up for you in therapy. Perhaps you are wondering about the following:
Is it normal to feel strong emotions toward my therapist?
Yes. Therapy relationships can bring up deep feelings of care, anger, admiration, or even attraction. These feelings often reflect past relationships being replayed in the present.
What does transference mean for me as a client?
Transference occurs when you unconsciously recreate a relationship pattern from your past, often from your family of origin, in the therapeutic environment. You then, without realizing it, respond to your therapist as if they were a parental figure, another family member, or perhaps someone who was critical of you from your past. You might experience intense emotions ranging from feeling overly judged to feeling deeply cared for. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong; it means important patterns are surfacing that carry valuable clues to healing and self-growth.
What if I feel attracted to my therapist?
This is more common than people realize. It often reflects unmet needs for closeness or safety. It doesn’t mean you’re truly “in love.” A therapist is trained to understand this and can help you explore what these feelings represent and how to work through them.
Could my therapist have feelings about me, too?
Therapists are human, so they can experience reactions called countertransference. Therapists are trained to avoid acting on these feelings. Instead, they reflect on them and use their emotional experience to better understand and support you. This is part of what makes therapy such a safe space-you can trust that therapists will not take your feelings about them personally and will stay in their role as an objective observer.
Should I talk about these feelings in therapy?
Yes. Although it might feel uncomfortable, naming your feelings can be a powerful step. Talking about them openly with your therapist can help you discover old patterns, process them, and heal.
What if I see people on TikTok or social media talking about “falling in love with their therapist”?
Sometimes people share these experiences online. It’s important to stay grounded in reality. What feels like love in therapy is often transference, not a true romantic connection. What may seem entertaining to watch at first can often reveal deep and challenging psychological processes of the poster being shared publicly in ways that might be unsafe for both the creator and viewers. We recommend prioritizing mental health when choosing the types of content and creators you follow. Remember that therapists have an ethical duty to maintain clear boundaries and keep the relationship professional, so therapy remains a safe space.
The bottom line:
Feeling big emotions in therapy doesn’t mean something is wrong; it means something meaningful is happening. Your strongest reactions in therapy may hold the greatest clues to your healing.
Countertransference refers to a therapist’s emotional reaction, whether conscious or unconscious, to a client. These feelings can be positive, like protectiveness or affection, or negative, such as irritation or frustration, and often occur because past associations are being triggered. If ignored, countertransference can cause increasing challenges and become a barrier to progress. Recognizing and ethically managing the countertransference experience turns it into a valuable tool in the treatment.
When handled properly, countertransference shifts from an obstacle into a powerful healing tool. As therapists, we can notice and reflect on our own emotional reactions, using this self-awareness to understand how clients might be experienced by others, and reveal important relational patterns. When this awareness is thoughtfully integrated, it deepens empathy, strengthens the therapeutic alliance, and helps clients recognize and change unconscious dynamics that may be recurring in their lives. In this way, what could have been an obstacle becomes a pathway to greater understanding and growth.
The concept of transference was first introduced by Sigmund Freud in the early 20th century. Freud observed that patients often redirected strong feelings from important figures in their past onto him as their therapist. A patient might idealize him, resent him, or even feel romantically attracted to him, not because of who he was, but because of unresolved experiences with others.
Freud also identified countertransference, which originally referred to the therapist’s unconscious emotional reactions to the patient. At first, Freud saw countertransference as a problem, a kind of interference that hindered objectivity. But later thinkers like Carl Jung expanded the idea, viewing it as inevitable and a potentially valuable area to explore within the therapeutic relationship.
Carl Jung viewed transference and countertransference as essential parts of the therapeutic relationship. He believed these dynamics formed a kind of psychological mirror between therapist and patient, where unconscious material from both sides interacted. For Jung, countertransference, in particular, wasn’t simply the therapist’s “problem” (as Freud often framed it) but a meaningful reaction that could reveal truths about the client’s inner world. He described therapy as a mutual transformation, where both therapist and patient are changed by engaging with these projections and working through them together.
Modern psychodynamic and relational approaches see countertransference as a valuable shared creation that emerges from the interaction between therapist and client. This experience can help us understand how unresolved patterns from the past influence current behavior and reminds us that the therapeutic relationship is never just a blank slate; it is a living, breathing force charged with history.
Dr. Angela Derrick notes, “Transference and countertransference is unavoidable in the therapeutic space and should be seen as valuable information to help the therapy move in a meaningful direction. The relationship with the therapist, including the transference and countertransference, then shapes how clients feel in other relationships in their lives moving forward.”
While transference is usually discussed in clinical settings, it doesn’t stop at the therapist’s office. We all carry emotional blueprints from our earliest relationships into present-day situations. Think about the colleague who constantly reminds you of your sibling, the professor who might be feeling like a parental figure, or even the retail clerk who triggers an unexpected wave of shame or defensiveness. These are everyday examples of transference in action.
Why does this happen? Our brains are wired to seek patterns. Familiar emotional dynamics, whether nurturing, critical, or dismissive, get replayed because they feel known, even when they’re not helpful. When you find yourself reacting with disproportionate intensity (feeling overly angry, overly attached, or irrationally anxious), that’s a clue you may be experiencing transference.
Recognizing this in yourself can be empowering. Instead of beating yourself up for “overreacting,” you can pause and ask:
This shift in perspective can help you feel more grounded, and it can also dramatically improve communication and relationships at home, work, with yourself, and beyond.
Transference and countertransference aren’t just antiquated psychoanalytic terms. They’re living dynamics that shape therapy, teaching us how the past echoes in the present. They also show up in everyday life.
By bringing awareness to these hidden forces, we can better understand ourselves and connect more authentically with others. Whether in therapy, at home, or at work, we learn to respond with greater clarity and compassion.
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