Written by: By the clinicians at SpringSource: Eating, Weight & Mood Disorders
Date Posted: June 16, 2026 9:57 pm
If you are reading this, chances are there is someone in your life you are concerned about. A partner who has been withdrawing. A child who doesn’t seem like themselves. A close friend whose relationship with food, mood, or their own well-being has shifted in ways that worry you. You may have tried to bring it up and been met with resistance. Or you may not know how to start.
Reaching out on behalf of someone you love is one of the most generous things you can do. It is also one of the most complicated. This guide is for you.
There is a reason this is difficult. When we love someone who is struggling, we are holding two things at once: our own fear and helplessness on one side, and our deep respect for their autonomy on the other. We don’t want to overstep. We don’t want to make things worse. We don’t want to push them further away.
Those instincts are good ones. They reflect care. But they can also leave us frozen, waiting for a moment that may not come on its own.
The truth is that many people who eventually find their way to therapy did so because someone in their life made the first move. They didn’t feel capable of doing it themselves. They needed a hand.
You can be that hand, without taking over, without forcing anything, and without losing the relationship in the process.
Before anything else, there is the conversation itself. This is often where people get stuck, either avoiding it entirely or approaching it in a way that puts the other person on the defensive.
A few principles that tend to help:
Lead with love, not diagnosis.
You don’t need to name what you think is wrong. In fact, it often helps not to. Instead of “I think you have an eating disorder” or “you seem depressed,” try something closer to “I’ve been worried about you” or “I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately, and I care about you.”
Use ‘I’ statements.
Sharing what you have observed and how you feel keeps the focus on your concern rather than their behavior. “I’ve been feeling scared” lands differently than “you’ve been scaring me.”
Don’t try to fix it in one conversation.
The goal of this first conversation isn’t resolution, it’s connection. You are letting them know they are not invisible to you and that help exists if and when they want it. Think of this as a beginning of a discussion, rather than the whole thing.
Ask rather than tell.
“Would you be open to talking to someone?” is a gentler entry point than “I think you need therapy.” Giving them a sense of agency matters.
If your loved one isn’t ready to make the call themselves, you can do it for them. Here is what you can do:
One important note: therapists will not be able to share information about a client with you without their consent. But that doesn’t prevent you from sharing information about your concerns or from asking general questions about the practice.
You don’t need to have the right words. You just need to show up. That is already more than most people do.
This is the part no one wants to talk about, and it may be the most important part.
Sometimes, even after the most caring and careful conversation, the answer is no. Not yet. Not now. Maybe not ever on your timeline.
That is painful. And it is also something you have to make room for.
Here is what we know: you cannot force someone into therapy. What you can do is plant seeds, stay present, and leave the door open.
Keep the relationship intact.
If you push too hard, you risk damaging the very relationship that makes you a source of safety for them. Your continued presence in their life may matter more than any single conversation about getting help.
Revisit it gently over time.
One conversation is rarely enough. If it didn’t land the first time, that doesn’t mean it never will. You can come back to it weeks or months later, especially if something changes. “I’ve been thinking about what we talked about. I’m still here if you ever want to explore it.”
Set your own limits.
Loving someone who is struggling can take a significant toll on you. It is not selfish to acknowledge that there are things you can and cannot sustain. Being honest with yourself, and sometimes with them, about those limits is not abandonment. It is honesty.
Take care of yourself.
Supporting someone you love through a difficult time is its own emotional experience, and one that deserves its own space. Many family members and close friends find that working with a therapist helps them show up better, for their loved one and for themselves. Consider getting your own professional help to examine your own needs and enhance your own coping and support.
Know when to escalate.
If you believe someone is at risk of harming themselves or others, please do not wait. Contact emergency services, take them to the nearest emergency room, or call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. These situations require immediate support that goes beyond outpatient therapy.
There is no perfect way to do this. There is no script that guarantees the right response. You are showing up with care for someone who may not be able to show up for themselves right now.
That matters. Even when it doesn’t feel like it does.
If you have questions about how the treatment at SpringSource can support your loved one, or you, we welcome your call.
SpringSource: Eating, Weight & Mood Disorders | Chicago and Northbrook, IL | springsourcecenter.com
We provide in-person therapy in Northbrook and Chicago, with telehealth therapy available throughout Illinois.
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