Hope Over Happiness: Why Hope Carries Us Through Hard Times

Written by: Angela Derrick, Ph.D. & Susan McClanahan, Ph.D.

Date Posted: October 12, 2025 12:33 am

Hope Over Happiness: Why Hope Carries Us Through Hard Times

How to Hold on to Hope When Happiness Feels Out of Reach.

During the darkest seasons of life or in times of upheaval like grief, illness, uncertainty, or heartbreak, it’s easy to feel as if happiness has abandoned us. Smiling may become painfully difficult, we might feel heavier, and joy often seems completely out of reach. But what if our well-being and survival don’t actually depend on happiness? What if the true lifeline is rooted in something much stronger? Hope.

Have you ever thought to yourself, ‘If I could just find a way to be happier, I would be okay?”  Happiness is a state of mind, and as such, it is unpredictable and fleeting. Furthermore, it’s often connected to circumstances that can change quickly, which in turn affects our mood. Hope, however, is a strong anchor. It looks ahead, imagines possibilities, and sustains us when joy seems out of reach. Research now verifies what lived experience has long taught us: it’s hope, not happiness, that carries us through.

Hope vs. Happiness

A recent article in Good News Instead shows that hope is a better predictor of a meaningful life than happiness. While happiness is often measured by pleasure and positive feelings, hope looks to the future. It is the belief that something better is ahead, even when today feels unbearable.

Psychologist C.R. Snyder’s Hope Theory describes hope as a combination of:

•             Goals (what we’re working toward)

•             Pathways (routes to get there, including alternatives)

•             Agency (our belief we can take action toward those goals)

Happiness can evaporate when life becomes difficult, but hope adapts. It can bend without breaking. It’s this flexibility that helps people keep going, even through suffering.

Why Hope Matters–Especially in Challenging Times

Research from the Greater Good Science Center shows that hope is a driving force for building resilience. Hope fuels persistence and gives purpose when life feels empty. Hope is not just a soft and comforting idea. People who have hope are healthier, report greater life satisfaction, and are more likely to flourish after adversity.

Hope is Vital When Suffering a Setback

Hope helps people find meaning in and reframe setbacks. A small example (and as we all know, small things add up) might be a time when you suffered a disappointment at work, maybe you didn’t get the raise you were hoping for, or a project you worked tirelessly on fell flat. Self-compassion can step in and say, this proves you are a human being having a human experience, just like so many others. Furthermore, you didn’t do anything wrong, you are not wrong, and you are not alone. Hope follows behind, solidifying that it’s okay to be human, and there will be plenty of opportunities to grow and thrive in the future.

There is great hope in making mistakes and facing setbacks, as they offer valuable lessons for life. During tough times, hope can provide a path to acceptance when our circumstances feel unbearable. Hope can remind you that you are fully capable of navigating these challenges toward a better future. If there is more you need to know to succeed or survive, you are completely capable of learning it. 

Hope During the Pandemic

During the COVID-19 pandemic, research showed that hope was associated with greater well-being and a sense of better emotional control. Hope also buffered stress, depression, and anxiety, unlike happiness, which plummeted during isolation. One of the many reasons for cultivating hope is that it allows people to imagine a future beyond the current crisis.

Self-Compassion & Hope are Intrinsically Linked

When life feels unbearable, hope can waver and even feel like it is going to flicker out. That’s where self-compassion becomes essential. According to Dr. Kristin Neff’s research at Self-Compassion.org, being kind to ourselves in times of pain fosters emotional resilience.

Self-compassion includes:

•             Mindfulness (recognizing suffering without exaggeration or denial)

•             Common humanity (understanding that suffering is part of being human)

•             Self-kindness (treating ourselves with the care we’d offer a friend)

Together, these practices protect us from despair and shame. They create a safe internal space where hope can take root. Without self-compassion, setbacks can harden into a state of hopelessness. With it, we can stumble and still believe in a brighter future.

Dr. Angela Derrick notes, “over the years, one of the most helpful skills I have come across in my training is self-compassion.  The research shows that self-compassion is a skill that can be taught and learned with repetition.  Once someone learns the practice of self-compassion, it becomes second nature to view pain through this lens.  If we can keep pain at a manageable level with self-compassion, it doesn’t become suffering.”

Cultivating Hope: Practical Pathways

Hope isn’t something we either have or don’t—it’s something we can strengthen. Here are practices to build hope, drawn from research across psychology and lived experience:

1. Set Small, Meaningful Goals: Break overwhelming challenges into achievable steps. Each step forward reinforces agency. As your agency grows and strengthens, so will your ability to advocate for yourself, both internally and externally.
2. Practice Pathway Thinking: If one door closes, imagine another. Flexibility is key to sustaining hope. Pathway thinking, as described in Snyder’s Hope Theory, is the ability to imagine multiple routes to a goal and adapt when obstacles arise. By staying flexible and generating new strategies, people strengthen their sense of hope and resilience.
3.  Anchor in Self-Compassion: Speak kindly to yourself in moments of failure or fear. Let compassion steady you so hope can grow. Kind self-talk may feel strange and suspect at first, especially if you grew up in a critical environment and likely internalized that criticism. You may worry that being kind to yourself will reduce motivation, but in fact, the opposite is true. Be kind to yourself over how hard it is to be kind to yourself! Baby steps add up.
4. Lean Into Connection: Share your struggles. Hope thrives in community, not isolation. If shame or embarrassment make it hard to share authentically, consider seeking additional help to work through these issues. Shame isolates us and blocks connection. We must confront and address these barriers in a safe space like therapy to break free from isolation.
5. Remember Past Resilience: reflect on the challenges you’ve already overcome—proof that you can endure again. It is so important to remember this history. If you’re struggling, ask a friend or trusted family member for help; they can serve as your memory until you’re able to recall it consistently on your own.
6. Seek Out Stories of Hope: Surround yourself with narratives of perseverance; they feed the imagination with possibility. There are so many good sources for this, with creativity and storytelling being key. We often find inspiration in places such as The Moth Radio Hour, On Being with Krista Tippett, and The Confessional with Nadia Bolz-Weber, just to name a few.
7. Seek Social Support: Survivors of illness and trauma who receive strong support from peers, therapists, loved ones, or family members tend to be more resilient because having others to lean on helps maintain hope. In this way, hope serves as the bridge between hardship and recovery.

Hope, Not Toxic Positivity

We want to emphasize that hope is not blind optimism. Hope doesn’t deny reality or insist everything will be fine. Hope acknowledges pain, sits with it, and still suggests: there may be another way forward.

This distinction matters. Toxic positivity pressures us to smile through suffering, while genuine hope validates suffering and points that there are paths towards different possibilities. 

Holding Onto Hope

When happiness fades, hope endures. It is the force that empowers us to face the unknown, even when we feel unsure and scared. It doesn’t promise ease or quick solutions, but it gives us direction, courage, and purpose.

So, if you find yourself in a season where happiness feels impossible, don’t despair. Hope is enough. Hold it close, nurture it with self-compassion, and let it carry you through until light breaks through again.

Happiness is a gift. Hope is a survival tool.

About SpringSource: Eating, Weight & Mood Disorders

At SpringSource: Eating, Weight & Mood Disorders, we believe that healing starts with nurturing hope. If you’re feeling vulnerable or stuck during tough life transitions or difficult situations, our goal is to support you, helping you discover and hold on to the hope of better days ahead.

Founded on the belief that lasting change happens through compassion, connection, and possibility, SpringSource offers evidence-based therapy that emphasizes self-compassion, resilience, and growth, all wrapped in hope. We specialize in treating eating disorders, mood and anxiety disorders, relationship challenges, trauma, and issues related to midlife transitions.

Our therapists are dedicated to providing care that is collaborative, respectful, and tailored to each individual. We create a safe space where you can feel heard, supported, and guided toward a life where hope persists, meaning deepens, and you reclaim agency and purpose, leading to a more fulfilling life.

For more information or to schedule a free 15-minute consultation, visit our contact page.